Doula-ly Humbled

As my loyal readers will remember from a few posts ago, I am not a practicing doula, no matter what the blog's title said.  (And yes, I've been prevailed upon to keep it.  For now. *Dun dun duuuuuuunnnn*)  I trained through DONA in July 2008 and while I've been active in my doula group and a mostly faithful attendee to our various meetings and events-more than most-I never did certify or actively pursue it much further as part of my career.

In that time, I've had a few friends get pregnant and/or have babies (some are still pregnant.)  I've never really put it out much that I'd like to be anyone's doula, mostly out of my own insecurity because I wasn't super close with most of the women I've known who got pregnant.  A few, though, I am close with or have been in the past, three in particular come to mind.  One I was her doula for her the first baby, but will not be for the second.  One, I was kinda of... dodging because I didn't want to get asked again to be the godmother of a baby I'd have no way of taking on if something happened.  And the third...

I was on the phone with the other night.  She's probably reading the post right now.  (Hello, my lovely.)  Anyway, we were talking about an upcoming appointment with a midwife that I'll get to attend with her, and she mentioned her dismay at reading that I'm not actually a doula because she had been considering asking me, on top of wanting my advice during said appointment, as a doula.

Yeah.  That kinda hit it home.  I know I admitted it myself, but that just made it very, very real to have it come from someone else.  I feel like I have and am missing these opportunities to be with my friends as they go through this transformational experience, and they (I speak of women in my circle in general, not these exact friends only) were my inspiration for being a doula, the ones I primarily want to serve.  I don't resent any of their perceptions or decisions, because... well, I kind of knew it would happen.  I set myself up for it, really, and lo and behold I'm reaping what I sowed.  It's no one's fault but my own.

©birtharts.com

But that really got me thinking again.  I do love the work of doulary.  I believe it's important, and I'll never have an "easier" time than now fitting it into my (unmarried, childless) schedule.  DONA may not be the right fit for me, even if I love their program.  I think I mentioned once quite some time ago, my desire to learn through Birth Arts International.  Their program encompasses herbalism and the Wise Woman tradition on top of the doula training, which checks off a couple little tick marks in my head.  The requirements are also more extensive than DONA, which is at once daunting and exhilarating.  I know I couldn't likely finish any certification by the time my friend is due, but I feel like I need to get back on the path and move forward, you know?  (Same goes for my infant massage certification, too.)

Ah, my scatterbrain life.  Nevertheless, it was a kick in the butt to know, "Hey, you're disappointing more people than yourself," and one I probably needed. So, I'll have to humble myself here, and start to reading, and getting going in all the directions I should.