Confessions and Decisions for 2010-2011

Something I have not widely publicized online is the fact that my two-year certification window for DONA is up in July, and I've done next to squat.  I feel a bit of a fraud, attending my local doula support group and meet the doula nights for the past two years and having attended no births.  I have not finish my reading, my resource list, or anything else.  On top of my infant massage certification and pregnancy massage class, it's too much for my tiny brain to handle in the next to months.  I jumped in without planning or allotting the time to do this and I'm paying for it.  Mind you, I think I trained when I was supposed to.  I wouldn't be in the Doula Connection now if I hadn't.  However, my lack of action since then in this field is not to my credit.

Nevertheless, I still have a doula heart and this is something I've wanted to do for almost a decade. And dagnabit, I'm going to do it.  I just have to get myself organized. I have all the books I need, I have my doula bag and some equipment, I know what's expected, I know what I need, I can start compiling my resource list now.  I can do this.  So I'm going to do it, just not by the end of July.

Instead, I'm going to wait.  I'm going to let the 2 years expire and I'm going to take the next training toward the end of the year, maybe next year, depending on how my schedule works out in the next few months.  (I never used to have to worry about what I'd be doing on a given weekend in six months.  What the heck, adulthood?)  I'm going to prepare ahead this time.  I'll probably write a "What I Wish I'd Known/Done" type of post later to help others avoid this if possible.

In conjunction with that decision, I've also decided that as far as actively pursuing other certifications (except DONA), I am done for this year.  I was looking into starting the three-level process for Arvigo Mayan Abdominal Massage this year, but when I realized that I've spent 94% of my gross income so far this month on the business, and the past several months have been similarly financially taxing, I had to take a pause.  As much as I love piling on the knowledge and no matter how fascinated I am by the Mayan modality, I have to think about my own ability to live day-to-day and provide for myself.  My practice has really been taking off this year and I'm grateful for that, and I need to concentrate on keeping that momentum and getting it to build.  I'll save Arvigo for 2011.

I also realized as I was writing this post that for the first time in my adult life, I'm planning in excess of six months in advance on the assumption that I will not be dating, engaged, or married.  In fact I'm basically planning through the end of 2011, possibly even into 2012, depending on the when and where of the classes and how I can work them into my calendar.  When that thought hit me, I confess it was a bit of a shock and it made me sad because marriage and motherhood are what I want most out of life.  Maybe now, though, I can start letting go of my hesitance to build my practice to what it should be, and just work on being the best care provider I can be.  All things will come in the Lord's due time.

Now if I start talking crazy talk about certifying in something else, you all need to tell me to stop and save my money for next year!  I have several thousand dollars I need to start putting away for Arvigo.

Goodness but life is exciting!